21 Diet Jokes about Free Calories and Weight Loss Lies

Sometimes a good diet joke is the best tip ...

which of these 21 diet jokes is your favourite?

1. My bathroom mirror adds ten pounds, and the bathroom scale is in on the conspiracy.

2. If you store your chocolate on a high shelf the calories will jump out because they are afraid of heights.

3. If you eat it with your fingers, it doesn't count.

4. Vegetables are good for you. Chocolate is a vegetable.

5. Dark chocolate is a health food, it's so high in antioxidants that I'm doing myself good by eating it.

6. Any calories in a margherita are killed by the alcohol.

7. A "bite" isn't big enough to have any caloric value (i.e. a bite of my daughter's cookie, a bite of my husband’s pizza, a bite of anything and everything from the buffet or mini-dessert tray . . .)

8. "Free food is free of calories". You mean that one isn’t true? LOL

9. If no one SEES you eat it, then it never happened.

10. If you eat it in the dark, it doesn't count.

11. If you eat it standing up, it doesn't count.

12. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

13. If you are exploring new food tastes, you are not greedy and the calories don’t count.

14. I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?

15. I am a nutritional overachiever.

16. I'm not overweight. I'm just 6 inches too short.

17. I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat, it breaks out into fat.

18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

19. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

20. I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!

21. I've been on a diet for a month and all I've lost is a month.

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